Deeksha Dreams

This happened a few years ago in Colorado:

I had had extremely vivid dreams of John Brown, my ex-fiancee and first love, in the past four or five years, though I haven't seen him since 1990. When I lived in Carbondale,CO a few years ago, he came to me in a dream, as if he were right in front of me, and told me that I was “in recovery,” and that I would be ok. He also said to me (in a dream) that I had to let go of him so that someone else could love me. I remember being shocked because it had been so many years since we were together, and I thought I had let go.

I remember he nearly had a breakdown before he left me in Alaska to go home to Newfoundland when he graduated from UAA . He thought he was going nuts and didn't know if he was doing the right thing by leaving me behind. In those days, I was the strong one. I was his rock of Gibraltar. I assured him that I would be ok, and that he had to get on with his tasks of either training as a cross country skier for the Olympics, or going on to law school, and that I loved him no matter what happened, and would join him when I graduated. Until that moment, I had never felt anyone's love so strongly in my life. That he would feel so conflicted, that he felt he was going insane - no one's ever loved me like that - before or since. When I went to Newfoundland for Christmas and New Year's, he gave me a diamond ring. Later, when I was back in Alaska and lost weight, the ring fell off my finger and into the washing machine and was never retrieved, and I knew that was a horrible sign. Little did I know, he had already met someone in law school ... and the separation, distance and time apart was getting to be too much ... for him. I would have hung in there until .... So, in the moment that I was thinking about all this, I started sobbing, I had loved him so much. We were so good together. I felt like screaming. It hurt like hell to remember and feel the pain of his loss again, but I also knew that I had to allow myself to feel it fully in order to be able to let it go.

I read some physics recently that said that the smallest particles in the universe are not matter or light waves, they are bits of information, and that when one particle meets another, it leaves a part of itself - they each leave a bit of information with the other. Thereafter, the book suggested, there is always some form of communication that happens on a subatomic level. And I thought that this could explain the communication I received from John in my subconscious. I knew I needed help letting go. So, I prayed. I visualized myself interacting with Mary Magdalene. I imagined her with long dark, silky hair and bronze skin, with the most beautiful smile. I imagined her embracing me,talking and listening to me like a truly divine, compassionate, empathic mother would. I pleaded with her not to leave me, and begged her to help me. I didn't specifiy how. But, I knew that I needed to know how to let go. I needed to know how to remove the barriers in my psyche that keep me from trusting anyone else, that keep me from getting close to anyone. Then I cried myself to sleep.

And this is where it gets really interesting.

Later that night, I had a dream. In the dream, a WORD appeared very clearly. Although I did not recognize the word, I remember thinking while dreaming: "I have to remember this word and search for it on the internet tomorrow to find out what it means." Of course, the next morning, I forgot ... BUT, I worked from 10a until 7p, and when I got home, I opened the newspaper and looked at the calendar section inside the front page to see what events might be happening around town that evening. Lo and behold, I saw the word from my dream in the newspaper, and as soon as I saw it, a lightning bolt of realization hit me! I said, "Oh my God!" out loud five times, and got up to call the number that was in the newspaper. The word from my dream was right there on the printed page, and when I saw it, the dream came flooding back to me. Apparently this word, "Deeksha," alludes to the transfer of divine energy, and I view this dream and my subsequent reading of the newspaper as direct communication from the universe!

Transferring energy is a direct answer to my question about "how do I let John go?" I have been waiting for communication from the beyond my whole life! And today, the universe made sure that I GOT IT!